well, it’s that time of year again.

that time of year where i get to have conversations like this with my mom:

ME : ok, really. this year, you don’t have to get me anything.

MOM : i got you something you want this year. something you need.

ME : mom, i don’t need bookends.

MOM : but they’re so cute

ME : you aren’t making me want them more

that time of year where i don’t spend my paycheck buying presents for people just for the sake of buying and giving presents

that time of year where, because of above mentioned ideology, i don’t have to subject myself to the pre-christmas brain eating zombie crowds at the mall*

that time of year where i get to go home and cram a weeks worth of qt with the rents and old friends into 2 days

that time of year where i realize how depressing it is seeing the mall santa at his stand all alone slumped over and staring at the ground.

that time of year where we all try not to get fatter even tho we are eating more and doing less. ok, by we, i meant me.

that time of year where i finally have to subject myself to the post-christmas brain eating zombie crowds at the mall in order to return the stuff my mom got me

and that time of year when…



black santa makes children cry

*original dawn of the dead zombies, not the fast runny jumpy ones from the remake.

here’s an interesting find :

In a recent study, it was found that office toilet seats had 49 germs per square inch.

Office desks, however, had almost 21,000 germs per square inch.

Office phones were even worse — more than 25,000 germs per square inch.

Lesson : It would appear I have less of a chance of getting sick by licking the toilet than using my keyboard.

Great.

10 Reasons to move to Canada, as cited by www.canadianalternative.com:

1. Canada has universal public health care.

2. Canada has no troops in Iraq.

3. Canada signed the Kyoto Protocol environmental treaty.

4. More than half of Canada’s provinces allow same-sex marriage.

5. The Canadian Senate recommends legalizing marijuana.

6. Canada has no law restricting abortion.

7. Canada has strict gun laws and relatively little violence.

8. The United Nations has ranked Canada the best country to live in for eight consecutive years.

9. Canada abolished the death penalty in 1976.

10. Canada has not run a federal deficit since 1996-97.

here’s the video

i know what you’re askin yourself…

when does the dog snap and start tearin her limb from limb?

unfortunately, never.

It’s two 1/3-pound slabs of all-Angus beef, four strips of bacon, three slices of cheese and mayonnaise on a buttered sesame seed bun.

mayonnaise AND butter!

The combo packs more calories and fat than most people should get in a day.

it stands 2 1/2 inches tall inside a box.



weiging in at 1,420 calories and 107 grams of fat, it’s the new Hardee’s MONSTER BURGER.

Scorpio: (Oct. 24—Nov. 21)

Yours is a story rife with pathos, sacrifice, and sexual intrigue, so it’s confusing to see how pathetic it all sounds when you finally write it down.

i have a feeling that the lady in the car that had a KARMA bumper sticker is in for a shitstorm for puposely not letting me merge into her lane last night.

9:28 a.m.

THE PLUG : my coworker told me he saw christmas with the kranks this weekend. he said it was cute, but predictable. — i punched him.

ME : hah

ME : good man!

THE PLUG : who pays money for that?

ME : the same people that make National Treasure the #1 movie in America

THE PLUG : so lame

……….

EPILOGUE

12:23 p.m.

THE PLUG : the same co-worker who saw christmas with the kranks just asked me if i’ve seen national treasure. i told him i have not. he said it looks pretty good and he’s gonna go see it tonight.

Ice-T Producing David Hasselhoff Rap Album

Hard-core rapper Ice-T is grooming a new rapper, one that he says will astonish the rap world with his skills – David Hasselhoff.

Ice-T recently revealed that he and Hasselhoff, star of 80’s action television show “Knight Rider” and the worldwide hit “Bay Watch” are working on a rap album.

After striking up a friendship in Los Angeles due to the proximity of their residences, Ice-T agreed to produce Hasselhoff, who will reemerge as emcee “Hassel The Hoff.”

“The man is a legend and we are going to show a whole new side of him,” Ice-T told UK newspaper The Sun.

Hasselhoff, 51, is more than just a television actor. He is also a mega-star in Austria and Germany. He has released seven albums and the most recent, My America, went as high as #11 on the Austrian charts.

“The Hoff will surprise people with his rap skills and humor,” Ice-T said.

Hip-Hop has had an unofficial relationship with David Hasselhoff for numerous years. The theme music to “Knight Rider” has been sampled by various rappers over the years.

Hassel The Hoff? That’s a joke right? i mean i think i can take one man band from the future McRorie more seriously than a rapping David Hasselhoff