YTMND has done it again. Sound bytes are fun.

Poor Kelly Ripa.

My daytime krush is facing scrutiny from uber-lesbo Rosie O’Donnell in what some call the “biggest controversy Kelly has ever been involved in” for not wanting to get the flu from dirty homosexual-in-waiting Clay Aiken. I guess what happened was during his guest spot on Regis and Kelly, Kelly was being all cute and bubbly and was talking too much for Clay’s liking. He went to cover her mouth so he could get a word in. In response, Rosie O’Donnell went mental on The View spouting nonsense about my angel being a homophobe. Kelly then phoned the View and defended herself on air.

Firstly, Clay, don’t touch the actual host. Especially ones married to big beefy soap stars named Mark Consuelos.

Secondly, Rosie, I didn’t realize it was your half-cocked, pompous job to out homosexuals that haven’t admitted publicly that they are even homosexuals.
Center Square should be taken from you and placed back in the hands of B-listers that deserve the honor.

Next time Rosie O’Donnell feels like she needs to get on a soapbox, will someone please remind her of

I’m glad I’m not important enough to get caught on tape yelling half the shit I yell.
Then I’d have to go on Letterman and talk about my hulk-like rage inside me.
And how I get so mad at myself sometimes for ordering chicken fingers even though every time I order chicken fingers I tell myself it’s the last time I will ever order chicken fingers.
CHICKEN FINGERS!!!!

Notorious fuck-up Anna Nicole Smith appeared to hit a new low; she aparently sold Entertainment Weekly the video of the birth to daughter Dannilyn for $1 million. The surprisingly graphic vid shows most of the Cesarean section Smith endured. Even more surprising than the sale of the video: ET aired the virtually uncensored video on November 6th.

How Bank of America rewards its employees. With cheesy cover parodies about banking and mergers and all sorts of great business plans.

It’s really hard for me to tell which of these two videos is grosser.

One time this was in my house

here are some pictures.
BEFORE :

AFTER :

As Sophia, I constantly tried to have a crazed confused look on my face

One guy at the bar was dressed as Steve Irwin with a stingray tail sticking out of his chest. The man dressed as a hockey player came up to me and began expressing how tasteless he thought this was. I wonder if he realized he was talking to a man dressed as a senile old lady whose ass was hanging out of his dress.

Also, my friend made a kick ass jack-o-lantern

well, the birthday weekend is over. by a few days even. spent birfday official hanging out with my friend lisa. she’s on the road right now with the decemberists and had a one day hiatus in atlanta. and by on the road, i mean in the band. she was recently asked to join them as a violist and then some. she’s also singing and playing other instruments like the glockenspiel. the glockenspiel! i haven’t thought of those since my elementart school music classes. xylophones and glocks, metal makes them ring a lot. i had a decision to make the day prior – go see her play with decemberists or go to athens to see patton oswalt and zach galifianakis. well, i already had the patton.zach tix, so i went. i think in the long run it was a mistake. zach hadn’t switched up too much. but patton had an almost entirely new set. and someone in the crowd got peed on by a drunk guy. so i guess it wasn’t a total loss.
last night was halloween, and I went from having no costume to being part of one of the most coveted groups of senior citizens from the 80’s tv nation. The Golden Girls. I was chosen to go as Sophia. I played her as respectfully as i could. I went as an Alzheimer’s Senile Sophia as if she were still around today. Babbling about train rides, cheesecake, and Italy. I had twizzlers in my hands that I kept nibbling on. And wore a permanent glazed/surprised/confused look on my face. Because the Alzheimers and senility were pretty set in I opted to wear my dress in a fashion that revealed my entire backside. It was funny and sad all in the same breath. We walked by a group of kids at the beginning of the night. Seconds after we passed them they all started yelling “LOOK AT THAT MAN!” and laughing hysterically at a guy’s pantyhose covered ass. One woman at a bar kept insisting on taking our photo. We lost blanche early in the night to a bought of herpes or syphillis. Rose poured a beer in someone’s purse. Dorothy smash. And I almost shit in my pantyhose. All in all a very mature evening of men and women acting like 4 elderly tv stars.