So a couple weeks ago, I went to Charleston for a Comedy Festival.
Overall it was an enjoyable weekend. I drank, I ate, I performed. I ate a lot. it was me, Amber and Matt Horgan. Matt was our food guide, as is often is the case. We stopped at every opportune meal to stuff our faces full of Charleston’s finest grub. From the classic Meat and 3 of Justines to the delectible fish at Hyman’s.
During one late night outing, the three of us went to a diner recommended by our hosts. Upon not getting served we decided to leave and head back to the Waffle House next to our hotel. (Our original plan) But not before Amber laid down a packet of butter, slammed her fist on it, and sprayed butter across the diner and all over my hair.
on the water

where’s the phone number when you need a real good ol’ fashioned charleston bathroom dick sucking?

eating so much it’s an effort to get up

look! a myspace photo

the money shot

amber in the hotel bar

the only way to warm up for a show

hehehe please pay box. heheh poop.

I’m in a coffee shop staring at some donated homemade art.
it is a chalk drawing of a cup of coffee that says “ESPRESSO YOURSELF.”
I’ve spent the last 10 minutes playing out this little scene in my head where I’m this crime boss with a thick New York accent and I’m argueing and saying “GO ESPRESSO YOURSELF” in a tone that says GO FUCK YOURSELF to various imaginary henchmen that work for my made up tough guy character before realizing the sign actually means EXPRESS YOURSELF. I have a lot of imaginary thugs to apologize to.

I never thought I’d write a post about The Amazing Jonathan

but here I am writing one about him.
for those of you not in the hackey comedy know, The Amazing Jonathan is a “magedian” or “comegician” – a magician comedian basically. He combines magic, comedy, and at times, Carrot Top caliber prop comedy.
I was up last night watching The Amazing Jonathan’s new Comedy Central special. Yes, new. The guy has a brand new special. With brand new material. Well, old material done in a different order with a different audience volunteer by an older more haggard AJ.
I never thought I’d say this but, man, he’s really let himself go.

(noun) : A hipster geek; Dislikes all that is mainstream or popular, which is usually reflected in their taste of indie music and how quickly they’ll shun a group the moment they end up on a soundtrack, TV commercial/show or on the radio. Can solve complex calculus problems in the time it takes to listen to a Postal Service song.

so there’s this guy on beauty and the geek who kinda looks like me. It’s like looking into a mirror. A funhouse one, but a mirror nonetheless. He seems pretty cool too, but that’s based entirely on how much he looks like me.

I’m in Colorado.
Frisco, Colorado to be exact.

But I like to call it Frisco Dingy. It’s a little faux town nestled in the mountains just West (I think) of Denver. I haven’t quite figured out if it is a real town or just a little resort town whose sole purpose is to house people that are vacationing.
A group of us came here for a little va-cay from the hustle and bustle of the a-t-l.
I went and did the ski thing yesterday. Dug it alright. Stayed on l’il hills for a couple hours. Mainly because I’ve never skiid and had no idea what I was doing. Next to how fun it is to haul ass down a mountain side, I’d have to say the best part is the falling. One time I lost it and spent half of the way down on my back, skis pointed up to the heavens, just laughing my ass off. I’ve heard tale of people getting really upset and agitated when this happens. I don’t see it. It’s like being a kid all over again. Reckless abandon. It was definitely some of the funnest stuff, not most rewarding, but fun nonetheless. Rewarding was not getting my ass handed to me by the lift. Admittedly a beginner lift not moving at the lightning speed the more advanced lifts move.

It’s too bad going skiing is an all day, all or nothing kind of event though. You basically have to drive out to the mountains at about 9 in the morning and stay for the day about 8 or 9 hours. Unfortunately, my self-diagnosed, mild ADD kicks in at around hour 4. Hell, I get bored at amusement parks after a couple hours and those places are filled with activities.
Today I decided to lay low and stay behind. Starting the morning at 8:30 with a 3/4 finished Coors Light from the night before says it all. I ventured into “town” for lunch. I guess it’s the higher altitude that has turned everyone that lives here mildly retarded because I can’t find any other explanation.
And it isn’t that cute Minneota/Wisconsin retardation either. The high pitched statements that sound like questions. “YAH?” “I KNOW?” “I’m going out for LUNCH?” Nope, this is the kind that requires a pink protective helmet.

This is a retardation that has slowed everyone’s brain activity to an almost grinding halt. The answer to every question requires a good two minutes of “Uhhhh-ing.” If this trip has taught me anything it’s that everyone in Colorado is one genetic mutation away from becoming a zombie.

Holy Crap
XXXmas came and went and celebrated the New Year. Why the hell have I neglected writing.
Maybe my life has been so busy that I haven’t had the time. I’d love to believe that. Lately my days are filled taking meetings with Vincent D’Onofrio, Christopher Meloni, Richard belzer, and Ice-T on the Law and Order spinoffs. Are they spinoffs or expansion packs?
That not being it, it must just be the natural ebb and flow of the universe.

Let’s play catch up then.
That rat never came back. it must have dragged that glue trap across the floor, chewed his way through it, and realized I meant business and hightailed it outta here.

Oh, Vincent D’Onofrio calling. For now here’s Britney Spears’ Va-jay.